Most women who have had any kind of psychological therapy are comfortable in principle to review their personal history as regards their mother and father issues, siblings, relationships, work. How often in private session or workshops have people re-examined memories around these critical, life forming elements.
Those involved in motivational and self-help courses and programs review their thoughts around self-esteem, fear, confidence, doubt, money, success and failure. Again there is a willingness to recapitulate their life experiences around these issues because they allow an emotional release and an opening to renewal.
But asking women to recapitulate their sexual history is another thing entirely. They tend to clam up and become generally quite defensive about whatever position they are in, especially mid-life and older women.
The big secret here is that the recapitulation and healing around these issues offers a way into an awareness and experience of sacred energy of being which is both spiritual and erotic, sacred and sensuous. The words confuse those who don’t know but the experience and way of being is real to those who have done the journey. And it is actually never more relevant than at mid-life and onwards.
Indeed it is perhaps the key to the new kind of aging that the baby boomer generation would like to achieve, in theory at least. The role models we currently have for older people, and older women in particular, are asexual at worst and confused at best. The envisioned sexuality is a crinkled necking or Viagra or vibrator enhanced genital release.
There is a more soulful sexuality, a spiritual eroticism that can endure. But it requires some learning and practices. Upfront and before anything else, it requires a conscious recapitulation and healing of one’s sexual wounds – some personal and some the shadow of wrong thoughts that have come down the centuries and still linger in our subconscious minds and permeate our thinking and feeling.
Here are a few questions to help you assess yourself sexually speaking. See how you answer them. You might be very surprised.
1 Are you perfectly comfortable with your genitals? Do you deeply honour and accept your genitalia, without echoes of shame or any embarrassment whatsoever?
A Only a little
B No, not at all
C Yes I am; I deeply honour and accept my most intimate, feminine perfection, especially my genitalia. I can be fully open and surrendered and confident.
2 Do you understand the concept of energy orgasm and energy flows, as distinct from genital focus? Do you understand the concept of being sexually alive, without necessarily having a partner to be “sexually active” with.
A A little, sort of
B No I do not
C I fully understand the metaphysical dimensions of body imbued with soul
3 Can you imagine that sexuality and spiritually are aspects of the same thing, that the very energy of sex is itself universal energy?
A No I can’t
B Maybe a little
C Yes, I can honestly say that I have experienced my sexuality as holy, embodied spirit, inherently divine – and fun.
4 Have you in any way within your heart and mind, given up on sex because you have “done” or “are doing” menopause? Do you feel less sexual?? Do you feel less confident about the sexuality that you do feel?
A Well yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I feel more sexual in a holistic, mature & ecstatic way. I experience/d menopause as a positive experience of soul, a physical and spiritual gateway to the third phase of my life.
5 Are you afraid of aging? Does the thought of being an older woman arouse vague, uncomfortable ambivalent feelings within you?. Do your mirror reflections tease you with sagging flesh that was once unequivocally firm and ghost images of old women you wish you weren’t becoming?
A Yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I have a clear vision of aging and I perfectly and joyously accept every facet of my sagging flesh
6 Are you confused about how you shoulda view yourself sexually, now that you are an “older woman”? Do you feel its inappropriate to be sexual now in terms of your previous experience and knowledge?
A Yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I have a clear expansive sense of joyous sexual awareness.
Anything less than sincere affirmations of all the number 3 choices, means you still have thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs around the stuff of sexuality to clear; its only a matter of degree..
If most of your answers were no 1, you have a vague idea of a world inside of you that you do not know yet. There are important wisdoms that will only increase your joy in being alive, whether you are in relationship or not.